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CAUTION: This post contains sarcasm.

According to the office of the Surgeon General, sarcasm may or may not foster cynical, rebellious behavior, and/or increase the risk of mental health disease. Women who are pregnant, nursing or may be pregnant are encouraged to see a doctor before reading any further. All you pregnant, potentially pregnant or nursing men out there are on your own. Those of you with no sense of humor, consider yourselves warned.

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, allthough they concluded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

"An axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqui president Saddam Hussien. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In WWII you had Germany, Italy and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumverate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil," forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil," while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil as Just Generally Disagreeable."

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desireable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics."

Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America," while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick." "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Miniser Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, allthough he rejected the establishment of "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay'," accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay and Chadguay denied the charges.

Isreal, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.

Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches per sec.
-J. Hart (1931 - )


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 6th, 2003 12:55 am (UTC)
squishy! XD
Apr. 6th, 2003 10:28 am (UTC)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )



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