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Pain bad...

God, I hurt. My back, my stomach, my head. I really hate this. Going to work is both good and bad, because I might have enough to distract me from the pain. On the other hand, I really hate having to degrade myself in this place. I'm not much of a people person normally, but today I really felt like physically lashing out.
On the concept of personal space: I have way too much of it to work with customers. I'm trying to fix some damn copier and this guy keeps leaning over me so closely that I can feel his breath. What is it with people lately? I felt like turning around and decking him. I think I need to be locked in a big plastic bubble. Maybe then I'd feel more sociable. And it only gets better, because now I have split days off and have to work Wednesday night, then back to my normal weekend schedule. I was never even asked if I could work, I just happened to look at the schedule and see my name in when I should have been off. Dammit, I need those days to get back to feeling like a real human being.
On the SW front, someone got their hands on a copy of DJ, so spoilers have been filtering down ever since yesterday. I didn't really pay attention to them, but from what I see, it looks to be an interesting book. I'm not thrilled about the author, but the plot sounds good and the characters, if she manages to get them, are pretty cool. A little less angsty than what I thought, given the end of SBS, but still plenty of potential. What is it that I like about kid characters? Everyone else seems to find them annoying, but I like them. Hmmmm...
Lots of stuff running around in my head, but nothing concrete enouh to start writing about. Still have to figure out all the details and fix some plot holes and so forth.... Jen, you have no idea how much I envy you for your abilty to write.
Mom spent hours today telling me how much I missed when they went out to dinner. I felt like hitting her, though I think that's a by-product of everything else. It's like, well, you didn't even call me and ask me if I wanted to go, then don't tell me jhowe much I missed and suggest I was the one who skipped out. It's kind of sad, I only really see my Mom at work, and my other family once or twice a week. I know I complain about them a lot, but I also really miss having them around. It's wierd, but I feel like they've abandoned me. The only time anyone ever calls me is when the want me to pay them. I wish Mom would call me just to say hi or something. I don't think she really knows how much it hurts me because she distances herself from me. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times she's told me she loves me, and that's pretty sad considering she's my mother. Maybe I'm just in a morose mood, but sometimes I feel like if it weren't for my friends, I wouldn't have any human contact outside of work at all. My parents sure haven't made any effort in that department, and I'm sure my brother could care less. He doesn't even bother to talk to me anymore. When I go to Mom's, I feel like it's just a bunch of people living together. And as I get older, I'm starting to see that that's now how it should be. One of these days, I going to wake up and not miss them at all, and that terrifies me.
Must go now and sleep, I have a lot to do since tomorrow is my only day off.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 14th, 2002 09:20 pm (UTC)
*hugs* No matter what happens with your family, we'll always love you. Even if we do tease you a bit as payback for years of annoyance. :)
Jan. 15th, 2002 11:00 am (UTC)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )



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