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Okay, just spent two hours trying to look up sites that don't exist, that HAVEN'T EXISTED FOR YEARS!!!
Sorry, better now. Call me crazy, but if you go through the trouble to write up a research assigment, and want it to be done right, wouldn't you want to make sure that the websites your students are supposed to go to ACTUALLY EXIST?
It seems I am not quite better, after all. Ah, well, nothing a good homicidal episode won't fix. Here, stupid incessantly-barking neighbor's yapdog...

A short time later...

Okay, had a grand time, all better. No more lingering frustration... Right?
Anyway, went to Mom's to use the plastic paperweight she calls the computer. As it turned out, the other child was already there with the *ahem* friend-who-is-a-girl *chortles*, which according to him is not the same as the girlfriend, but my old, socially inept self couldn't see the differences, going along the whole "actions speak louder than words" approach. Whatever. I just smiled and asked him if he had gotten *actual gf's name deleted for legal sake*'s message to call him, and how long they would be ensconced in the back room, since Mom had mentioned she needed to write something work-related up when she got home *anytime* now and I needed to use it before her. Point taken, they took their little three-legged race upstairs.
Heh. I may not have been the popular athlete in the family, but I still manage to score a few game points now and then.

A major research institution (MRI) has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium".

Governmentium has 1 neutron,12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass". You will know it when you see it.

So, before I go, I leave you all with this, which anyone who has ever worked in retail will (I hope) find amusing.

Tomorrow is the most important thing in life.
Comes into us at midnight very clean.
Perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands.
Hopes we've learned something from yesterday.

-John Wayne


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 21st, 2003 08:13 am (UTC)
Heheheh...just.you.wait. You think MLA is bad?

By the way, you're links killed me. I stole the Governmentium one and posted it to my science community.
Feb. 21st, 2003 09:12 am (UTC)
No, I KNOW MLA is bad...
Hey, glad to help. Gotta see if'n I can adapt the cheese thing to Kinko's customers...
Feb. 22nd, 2003 10:50 pm (UTC)
Laughed my arse off at the Customers Suck Community Post. God, was that friggin priceless!
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )



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