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Wondering of God (assuming there is one) would do me the favour of smiting me where I sit, to spare me the torture that will be Friday. But then, he also might have a sense of humor. Practiced all morning, and most of the afternoon. In fact, the only reason I stopped is that I have to let the blisters wear off a little, 'cause there's nothing worse than bleeding all over you fingerboard. Rehearsed with Andrea today. God help me, I'm usually much more steady than I was. But for some reason, all I could do was rush right through the easy section, so of cuarse I implaed myself on the fast bit. Figures that I'd find a new way to hang myself, because the one thing I've always prided myself on was my rock-solid tempi. Maybe I can't always play all the notes, but at least I never got lost. Now, of course, I have two days to fix this. I mean, it got to the point that Andrea stopped and asked me if I wanted to start over. But by now, I'm just one soled mass of shot nerves, and I missed even more notes than I did the forst time through. Why oh why can't I ever be consistent. And how the hell am I going to get through Friday. I woke up this morning at five because I knew I needed to practice. I know I have other finals, but all I worry about is these damn juries. I had a horrible nightmare that I forgot my music and ended up having to sing the piece. If there was a ever a time when I needed some pot, it would be now. Not that that will ever happen, but I really want it to be over and done with.
Gotta go and memorize more.



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