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And here I thought I had some sort of moron-lure on. No, it's just the day for the freakier than usual people to come out. Lady who wanted to sleep in express. Incoming fax addressed to "That Guy With the Dodge". Pidgeon walking in circles in the parking lot. And, of course, the customer whom I spent 20 minutes with to get him to comprehend proportions. Conversation went something like this.

"I need this 24x36 inches." Flings a polariod instant photo on counter.
"Okay... So do you want it 24 by 24 or 36 by 36 inches?"
Customer sighs. "No, I just said 24x36."
"Right, but the photo is 3 by 3 inches..."
"So?"
"Well, unless you want to crop out a part of the photo, the final print will be square, just like the photo is square."
"No, I need the whole thing 24 by 36." Customer's voice has been getting louder throughout conversation.
"Proportionally, that's not possible."
"Look, what I want is very simple. Why are you making this difficult?"
"You have a square photo. When it is enlarged, it will still be square. So you can either have it 24 by 24 inches or 36 by 36 inches."
"No."
"..." I look around for help. Figures that no one else is on the floor. "The only way for this to be that size is if it isn't proportional. It will look distorted. Unreccognizable. Is that what you want?"
"It's for a ****ing trial. The ****ing jury has to see it. Why is this so ****ing hard for you to understand?" Looks around wildly. "Isn't there anyone here who knows what they're doing?"
I resist the urge to look down at my nametag, which proclaims "TEAM MEMBER SINCE 1998". "Yes, sir. That would be me."
Customer sputters for a while. "I want to talk to your manager right now."
"Sir, it's 2 in the morning. My manager will be in around 9, if you'd like to wait. Or I could give her your name and number and have her call you."
Customer storms out. "F*** you, b****."
"Not likely, sir. Have a nice morning."
Customer tries to slam doors, forgetting they are on those pressured hinges designed to close slowly and silently.

Gah. If he hadn't been screaming by then, I would have laughed. As it was, I was inching closer and closer to the phone. I suppose that the laws of probability would dictate that I was ripe for an "incident". Now, I should be safe for a long time. Speaking of which, if you happen to see a blue Honda with a Nevada plate 572-KLF, be sure to slash the tires or something equally bad.

Break over with, I'll go back to running calendars. Fifty down, untold multitudes more to go.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
veijukka
Dec. 13th, 2002 08:04 am (UTC)
Eeeep. Guy musta been on crack. No, I mean literally...
superclerk
Dec. 13th, 2002 09:59 am (UTC)
I just read a comic where everyone at a Kinkos were murdered by demons from hell. Just a little thing I thought I would pass on.
Have a nice day.
quelqueparte
Dec. 14th, 2002 12:05 pm (UTC)
same shit, different day.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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